changes.

I am writing about changes. I am writing about anger and struggle and tears.

I am writing about going into the one fabric store that I have known inside and out for the last 7 years that has now completely changed.

Joann's etc. is now just JOANN. I have been going to this store since we moved here in 2003 and I learned over the 7 years where things were. I learned about how to maneuver my way around with limited time, mostly because they are so short staffed that I could never find anyone to help me. I learned how to work on my memorization of Psalm 40 when I waited in the lengthy lines to have fabric cut - or to check out.

On Friday of last week we ran into what I knew as "Joann's etc." and found instead "JOANN". (SEE THE LARGE OUTSIDE SIGN FOR VERIFICATION)

I was aghast.

Who changed this vast store around? Every item, every aisle - reconfigured. Things grouped together that have never been together. A super large cutting station where you have to take a number and watch the screen to see when your number is up.

As I wandered the aisles I even said out loud, "It took me 7 years to learn this store, now it is all changed."

I know this seems like a huge response for something that really doesn't matter. And that is why I knew that the Holy Spirit was doing something else in my heart as I evaluated why JOANN made me so frustrated.

I was able to tell God that changes make me feel very out of control. Changes in names, changes in groupings, changes in waiting, changes of any kind - they cause me to recognize that my own way of "I can find it on my own, thanks" attitude doesn't always work.(especially in God's kingdom)

When we moved back to Knoxville, (which I never imagined we would be able to do) in spring of 2003, Taylor was turning 11. I have maneuvered through the turns of adolescence and cried out to God many times. I have also often thought, "we have been working with students this age for a long time - we have some experience here."

And now, Taylor is 18, and things are changing.
He is leaving.
He is not a child.
Everything is not as it has been.
Some of that is so good - and some of that is so hard.

I was able to face my own attitude about JOANN because it is also my heart about changes in our family. I felt like pouting and saying, "I won't shop here now because it is too hard - and too different!" I feel the temptation to say to God, "Changes are too hard - can't you just make things easier?" and in both of these situations I recognize the darkness of my own heart and my constant need of a Redeemer.

Will I run to the feet of my King and lay down the BURDEN of change? Will I wash His feet with my tears?

HE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO WILL NEVER CHANGE.